A Toy for my Raphael


Dear Raphael,
Bought you a gift, left it outside the gate... but it was returned to me two weeks later. Left in the rain unopened. Why don't you accept Mommy's gift? It hurts to see that you are so brainwashed.

LionHeart roars at Wednesday, October 10, 2007 0 comments

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Pain


Heard that you were at Mommy's house in SK. Mommy rushed home. Ran all the way.. and fell down. But i just got up and continue to run... cos seeing you is the most important of all.
But you didn't even acknowledge me. Kept on holding to daddy's gf hands... and move away from me. You saw my injuries and you didn't want to come near... My tears nearly fell... my heart was aching when you just hold on to her.
Daddy cut off the electricity and the gas in SK house just to inconvenience Mommy. I have been paying for the bills. Not as if i didn't. But he just cut it off like that without sparing a thought for me... Sigh.. Raphael, i miss you so much. Don't you know?

LionHeart roars at Wednesday, October 10, 2007 0 comments

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Bills

Y has d utilities bill not been settled since last month. There's an outstanding amt of $136+. Please check wif ur tennant!

LionHeart roars at Sunday, August 12, 2007 0 comments

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Frustrations

Dear Raphael,

I was so frustrated. Your daddy messaged me this in the midde of the night at 02.49
Irritating. He thinks everyone is still awake at that kind of timing.

His message: Raphael will b away for tml n next sat

He is always like that. He should have told me instead of the night before... So that i could have gone to see you during the week instead of saturday. At least a glimpse of you. But no. He just took 2 saturdays of visit without even consulting me. Just inform me. So selfish of him...

I just hate it whenever he does all these little things to me. It is so obvious that he is trying to make things difficult and take away my time with you even though it is just a mere 10 minutes... or just to take you away so that i will not get to see you at all...

Sigh.. i miss you baby...

Love you, Mommy

LionHeart roars at Saturday, June 09, 2007 0 comments

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You Gave Me Hope Once Again

Dear Raphael,

Today under the hot sun again. Catching a glimpse of you once again. Your daddy's gf is still around in the house. Everytime i was there, she is always there also. It hurts so much to see you so close to somebody else and calling her mommy... when you have only one biological mother here.

When i left... i blew you a flying kiss.. and you did the same after looking around to see if anybody was watching you. And you give the sign... SHHHHH! with your fingers to your lips after you blew the kiss.

That's all the support that i need... to know that there is still hope.

Loving you lots, Mommy

LionHeart roars at Saturday, May 19, 2007 0 comments

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Counselling

Dear Raphael,

Grandma and myself was there early... But as usual, your daddy, ah ma, joreen and yourself is late for 20 minutes. You spiked up your hair and you dared not even looked at us. You were so closed. At least i got to spend at least 5 minutes in the room with you alone and the counsellor and you were so closed that i could just smell your hair. I miss you lots baby.

Grandma cried again after seeing you for so close. She was so sad to see you sick again with running nose and sneezing your head off... At least she got to see you so closed up.

We are still waiting for you to come back with us baby. Fighting so hard for you already. Please give us a sign of some hope.. that you are still with us baby....

Loving you lots baby
Mommy

LionHeart roars at Wednesday, May 16, 2007 0 comments

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On Purpose

Dear Baby,

Was supposed to see you at ten o'clock. But i need to go the bank. Messaged your daddy to tell him that i will be late.

His message: ANYTIME AFTER 1030, I'LL BRING HIM OUT!

Excuse me.. that is on purpose baby.. trying to make things difficult for me. In the end, i reached your place at 1015am. And it seems that you have just woken up... sigh.. on purpose. Just to make things difficult for me. I stayed till 12pm... but you just ignored me once again as usual.

How long must i suffer to be with you again?

Missing you lots, Mommy

LionHeart roars at Saturday, May 12, 2007 0 comments

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Pain Once Again

Dear Raphael,

Your words hurt me once again like a knife piercing into my heart. She was there once again. This is the 2nd time this year... last week was the first i saw her. I asked if there was anyone teaching you.... you said yes..... mommy.... it was painful... heard you refering her as your mommy hurt me deep. My tears flow once again. Every week, with her around, your unintentional words cut me deep.

Ah ma shouted out: Raphael, if you don't want to eat, i will eat it. Come in and eat first, go behind, talk later....

Raphael, mommy is sitting in the sun, trying to have a decent 10 min conversation with you. But yet, others are always trying to cut short my time with you. In the end, i am always losing my quality time with you.

I love you baby,
Be with me,
Mommy

LionHeart roars at Saturday, March 31, 2007 0 comments

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A glimpse of You

Dear Raphael,

Grandma missed you so much that i took her on a detour to catch a glimpse of you. But your ah ma saw us... and quickened her steps ... you were in school early. In your red shirt and slippers. Grandma teared again... saying that you were so skinny. You looked backwards a few times... and of course your ah ma also did that... like wanted to check if we were following... but all we want to do is to take a peek at you once more....

Sometimes, grandma will teared silently with thoughts of you... packing your toys again and again. She missed you alot... infact, all of us do. Just that grandma is more emotional and can't control her actions and emotions. Me and gong gong have to be strong for her.... and baby, please do think of us now and then...

Missing you always,
Mommy

LionHeart roars at Tuesday, March 27, 2007 0 comments

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Counselling for the Custody of Raphael

Dear Raphael,

Appointment for the counselling is at 2.30pm. I reached there at 2.15pm. As usual, your father is a perpectually late comer. He reached at 3.20pm. I was already inside the room with the counsellor... talked till i cried. It is painful to tell another the pain that you have put me through. A mother's love... that is being taken away. And being replaced by someone else.

Baby, I am still keeping to my word.. that i will fight for you, fight for your happiness, fight for your future. Please give me time. You are all the strength that i needed in this war.....

Love, Mommy

LionHeart roars at Monday, March 26, 2007 0 comments

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