Cousin came and fetch at 630pm. And we went to Bukit Timah there to have fish head curry.I asked to hold Joshua little hands and he did.

My tears just fell and i can't stop sobbing. And of course Joshua was a bit uncomfortable. But i guess he knows that it is because of Raphael. I can just close my eyes and imagine that it was Raphael's hands in mine. Cousin consoled me. The thought pains me so much that Raphael was so influenced by negative things about me that he shun my hands and my mother's hands. Touching him.... Just looking at Joshua reminds me so much of my little Raphael. So young and innocent. A white piece of canvas being painted day by day by uncouth methods, hatred, negative feelings in him. All i want is Raphael to be happy. And it hurts me deep in my heart that my hands are binded and i can't do anything to help my baby.

Everyone is assuring me that things will turn out well... cos he can see that i miss Raphael like crazy.